Tuesday, November 22, 2011

NSIT ATAI (NYSC CAMP): SIGHTS AND THOUGHTS

Before I start, I would like to apologize for my absence. I have been really busy focusing all my writing abilities on something that is really important. It is a pretty determining factor in my future plans. However I am back and it feels good to be back.

I paid a visit to the nysc camp (for those of you who don’t what nysc is, read my previous entries and you should understand better) to see the new recruits or ‘otondos’ as they are called. The place brought back some memories, the good, bad and embarrassing.

I remembered how I was such a workaholic on camp (let’s face it, I had no choice) when the present chief pharmacist was complaining. I actually loved it. It made me feel useful. I remembered my chief medical director and how close I was to him in camp. I remembered the outrageous time we had to wake up and have our bath so that the guys wouldn’t see what they had not paid for.

The memories of the lack of drugs and how we had to manage our resources; the insults from the other corps members, the emergencies and lights out all came back to me. It is amazing that now that I am through I can say that the experience was not all that bad. I made some cool friends and not so cool ones. I experienced love and hate. I enjoy my job (at least 80% of the time) and I have learnt a lot in my profession.

If I had to do it all again I would still choose akwa ibom (even though I never wanted to be posted here initially) but I would do some things differently.

To all my peeps that are presently in camp, I say ‘have a nice time’. Try to enjoy yourself but remain grounded because nysc is just for one year.

I have to go now because I am presently on call, AGAIN!

Luv you guys,
Petite Diva.

Friday, November 18, 2011

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT YOUR WORDS CAN DO ME NATHIN!

Hey guys, as you all know I am presently on night call and was feeling uninspired to write then something really weird happened. An ex decided he had the right to say some crazy things to me.

What you might ask? Don’t worry I would be sure to give you the full download. Here goes, he said and I quote “I have a psychiatric problem. It is a personality issue. I have an antisocial issue. I should see a psychiatrist before I run mad and walk stark naked in the market”. That he is blessed that we didn’t end up together, that he can’t believe that I hid my crazy behavior from him. He also said that he is not trying to belittle me but trying to give me a piece of advice for my own good.

I was stunned, shocked out of my element and could barely say anything. So i just said thank you. I had a moment of sadness but it passed and I was able to smile to myself. Why? Because he is but a man, he has the right to say what he likes that is what is called freedom of speech. In that brief moment of sadness I said a word (or words) of prayer and I was able to smile. Last time I checked he ain’t God and last time I checked I don’t owe him any explanation for my activities.

I couldn’t reply him cos I had other things to do and I didn’t feel like at that time. Now this is my reply to him.

Yes! I have issues! Yes! I get a little sad or moody at times (please who doesn't?) and yes! I might not like going out much but that does not mean that I would end up naked and raving mad on the streets. You had the guts to tell me all that when you are not God. Even if you have demonic powers you words would not have any effect. I have a bigger power backing me up. I am not a saint or worthy of his protection and love but he has always had my back.

You say that you are blessed that you didn’t end up with me, I say likewise. I don’t regret hooking up with you. Why should i? I saw a whole different world and I became bolder. I may have made mistakes but i have learnt from them and picked myself up. I am finally able to take steps I was reluctant to take and with the mistakes I made with you I am a better person for my present man. I thank God that you actually said what you said. I don’t know what is eating you up and I don’t give a hoot. I am just going to concentrate on being a better person.

People say when you are on top or going to greater heights some people would try to bring you down but that is for people that have something or are doing something spectacular. I don’t have much, okay maybe I have a job, a new guy, family, some friends and my life but that is about all. Let it not be said that I am not grateful, I am but I don’t think I qualify for a ‘bring her down kind of attitude’.

Anyways I have decided that this write up would be the end of the matter. I actually feel sorry for him. I wonder what happened to him this night that he had to say those things. I hold no grudge and forgive him. Life is too short and hey, he gave me what to write this night. So I am grateful for the words (kinda of like turning your lemons to lemonade).

Hope you guys are not shocked. I just had to write this. I have to go now. I really hope there are no emergencies tonight. I need to sleep well and not be woken up every 30minutes.

Luv you guys,
Petite Diva.

A kiss from me to u...


i am blowin u all a kiss while i am on call. Would write when i get a breather.
Luv ya all,
Petite Diva.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

MEN AND THEIR FIDELITY HANGUPS

I would like someone to please explain why men have fidelity issues. They expect women to be faithful but can’t stay faithful. When a woman does a number on them they call her a slut or a heartless b***h, like they are saints and have not done so to other women.

I really get annoyed when men say as the excuse for their infidelity is ‘we are just like that’. That is a trailer load of bullshit! (please forgive my French). Men are not made like that, you all have made yourself like that and think that reason should be enough.

I guess I am a bit mad today. I recently found that the husband of someone I admire is creeping around with some other chic. It took everything I had not to curse the guy. For crying out loud, this woman has everything that most guys want. The fact that she is married has not made her lazy. There are so many men (younger, her age mates and older) that would give a lot to be with her. And he is messing AROUND!.....arrrgggghhh!

Learning about that just made me think of how hard marriage is. Pastor Okonkwo of love, sex and marriage says his wife says that marriage is a lifetime working venture. That you wear your wedding clothes once (I tend to disagree with that, if you are quite savvy you could wear it more than once by just adjusting it a bit but then you have to use your sense when getting a dress) and after that you put on work clothes.

It really amazes me when I hear of people who after dating for 3 months not only decide to get married but actually get married. I would definitely tell you ‘congrats’ but I would also think you must be very silly (luckily none of my friends have done that). I know some churches have a minimum courting period and won’t marry you if you have been dating for less. Some might disagree with it but even though I am not a member of those churches agree. You cannot know someone fully in 3 months except God reveals everything about that person to you. Marriage is much more than the whole ‘owambe, aso ebi, I am married can you see my large sized engagement/wedding ring?(never did get the beauty in those type of rings, i personally prefer an understated engagement ring)‘ attitude.

It is so much more, It take guts to stay married. You need wisdom, patience, strength and much more to stay in the marriage when your spouse is making you crazy or your kids wanna send you screaming out of the house with all their craziness. And it requires commitment! Forget all that crap of men being men! You opened your eyes and chose a woman, said your vows in the front of God and men and now you give me that crappy excuse. Abegi! Tell that to the birds cos I ain’t listening.

You guys know what? If anytime you cheat on your wives (or girlfriends), God slaps you and you get paralysed for 2 months, you won’t cheat. You would curb your silly hormones. It is saddening to be at a beautiful wedding of someone and find out that they have separated 2 years after or that guy turned out to be a monster.

I guess it is only God that can help men to be faithful. My advice to all those that wanna get married soon and don’t want to wait is that there is more to marriage than the whole wedding jamboree. As for me, I would rather wait for the person that God has sent for me so that I can celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary with my kids and grandkids smiling cos it has been a wonderful journey than jump into a disastrous marriage cos as people say I am ‘old’. I want to look across the table at my husband and still have that sparkle in my eyes cos I made a wise decision and i am not in an enduring marriage cos of the kids.

Maybe I am dreaming again but then again, it is in God’s hands and I won’t worry about it. So to all ya people under stress to get hitched (thank God I am not), remember that people would be with you on the day of merriment but won’t be with you at your workplace (i.e. home) so stay true to yourself, trust God and be happy.

Hope you loved this piece. I can’t wait to hear your comments, I know I might get some serious backlash but hey….that is my own opinion. You can follow me on twitter @Bimbola25 and leave your comments or holla at your girl on her facebook page. I would love this to be a trending topic.

Luv u ……guys (I need to find a name for my readers. Lady crazy aka Gaga calls her fans ‘monsters’ and the kardashians call their fans ‘dolls’. So i figure you guys deserve a name. I must get a cool one, #thinkingcapon#).

Petite Diva signing out.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

YA ALL NEED TO CHILL OUT! REALLY!

Seriously folks, you all need to chill out. The last couple of days I have posted some entries that would have shocked a lot of people (and entertained a little bit I hope) and the reactions have been incredible. From the teasing types to the almost insulting remarks to the thought provoking questions.

So here is what I have to say. To a lot of folks, the first response you would have to my entries is ‘what is the big deal?’ People get tipsy, people go to clubs, so what is the whole freaking drama with my experience? The big deal is that while people were experiencing all this stuff I was cocooned in my own world. I was basically a parents’ girl (not mummy’s or daddy’s girl, both!) and I was burying my head in my books so that I can keep my GPA above a certain level. I was doing other stuff alongside book reading that I didn’t have time for any other time zapper. I have been miss prim and proper (at least I have tried to be) so now I just want to have new adventures to make my life less boring.

I know that I am late but I think that I have been late for everything. I keep saying I am a late bloomer. I get there late but I get there with so much pizzazz, drama and I would say diva swagger that everybody is forced to acknowledge that someone spectacular was there. I probably would film the delivery of my kids and post it on my blog (God sparing my life) cos I am crazy like that and anybody that does not like it can go to 3rd mainland bridge and jump in the ocean.

I also know sometimes I am na├»ve and act a little bit younger but I think that as long as I don’t hurt myself and continue to act proper, it shouldn’t hurt. At least I hope so. I guess sometimes I am too trusting and believe that humans have a little good in them. So sue me if that is wrong but that is the way I grew up.

Then some people think that the boyfriend is a bad influence on me but I don’t think so. He does a lot to protect me but I am stubborn. I am so freaking fed up with being protected. I want a chance to go out there, take chances, experience some things, make mistakes and learn from them so that I can be a better person in future. A good mentor to kids and a great mum to my offsprings. Everybody who knows me well can tell you that I am strong willed at times, when you tell I can’t do something I just go crazy and would do that thing (if I know the consequences would not be disastrous).

The boyfriend is also a ‘has done or has been’. A ‘has done or has been’ is someone who has done all the stuff that are kinda of wild to me and has been reformed to the ‘it is overrated let’s avoid’ person. So when I think I know it all and wanna try crazy stuff, he draws me back.

Oh yeah! For all you wild imaginations humans, nothing happened after the club experience. Instead of a rosy time, that was when the fighting, the crying, the arguing and the pain started. From that day onwards we have had so many lover’s tiff and arguments that I sometimes wonder whether going on our separate way would be much more calmer. However since I ain’t no Kim Kardashian and I am not selling the rights to viewing my relationship to E! network, we have decided to work on it. Hopefully we would make it longer than 72 dyas…….lol(I am such a bad girl but I couldn’t resist it).

I gotta run. I am presenting a patient case tomorrow and I have to prepare. I so hate public speaking and now I am forced to do so, thanks to some baby interns who we have to spoon feed till they have teeth to crack bones……arggghhh!

Hope to be back soon.
Luv ya,
Drama queen/petite Diva.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

PICTURE TIME

I wanna share my pixs. i hope u love some of them.

My baby's baby.
Apparently something is wrong with my browser, i can't upload any other pix. Oh well!i would try again tomorrow.

See ya,
Petite Diva

Picture time

I wanna share my pixs with you guys.I hope u love some of them and hope my internet network would behave today.


Moi!

Danger Mouse


My NYSC peeps and i.


Cute.....


Kiss me if you can ....divalicious lips.


Out and about in wuse market, abuja.


Word!



That's all, folks. the internet provider has decided to stop me from uploading any more. Hope i can post more next time.

Luv ya,
Petite Diva.

I AM BLOGGING COS I LOVE IT.

I recently posted something on my facebook page and I was told to keep some stuff to myself. That led me to wonder if I was talking a bit too much. I love writing (strange I just discovered that). I guess in my bid to make my life seem sooooo fabulously interesting I have gone overboard in being a drama queen.

But would that stop me from writing what I feel like and what I think? HELL NO! I would definitely reduce the drama and be more constructive but not stiff. I have enough stiffness at work, thank you! I am not about to make my escape therapy stiff and lacking pizzazz.

I love writing on my blog and I intend to keep doing it when the inspiration to write comes. I am not a perfect writer and I hope to be able to perfect my writing skills with this blog. Writing my thoughts and what happens to me helps me relieve tension and is like psychotherapy for me.

And now that the boyfriend and I are going on a new adventure (one that was forced on us), I intend to write what I encounter in this adventure and hopefully it would help someone out there too.

This entry is really short but it has to be cos I am really busy. I need to surf the net for some serious info.

Lots of luv, Petite Diva.

Monday, November 14, 2011

I AM FIERCELY BLESSED

Lately I have been having bouts of depression which I would talk about it in another entry. I am literally soaking up sheets of tissue (means I am always crying) anytime I have an episode.

Every time the feelings come and I want to start my pity party, I talk to the boyfriend. He is so sweet and tries to prep me up. One of his reasons for me to be grateful is that ‘I got him’. He thinks he is so fly, right? I don’t think so. He is just trying to make me see that I should be grateful for what I have.

So i was forced to take a good look at my life and realized I am blessed. I am alive, I know a lot of people who are dead and would gladly switch places with me. I have a family complete with my dad, mum, brother, uncles, aunties, cousins, a vast step family and a wonderful grandma. Oh! I have a boyfriend that wants the best for me (and makes me smile 80% of the time).

I have also discovered thanks to all ya comments that I can write. I actually think this could be the talent I have always prayed for (I would have loved singing as a talent but hey God knows best). Let’s see how it goes but I kinda doubt that I know how to write. I would talk about it later.

Even with all that I have when I see someone who is achieving what they had set out for, I get a little sad cos I have some dreams that have not been fulfilled. I forget about all that I have achieved or can achieve and go downhill. I have had severe episodes when I have cried buckets or almost a small bucket. I called the boyfriend and he tried to be my knight in shining armour. But……I know that it is up to me taking control of my emotions, I found at that when I am down, praying helps a whole lot.

I also noticed that it kinda of creeps up when my little visitor is about to come. I never had PMS but now I seem to have it every month (what is with that?). So my remedy is to pray a lot (pray away my moods), be thankful for everything I have got and be focused.

Why did I write this entry? You guys might think that I must be insane to write this (maybe I am) because I am revealing an intimate detail. I however discovered that a lot of us actually have these mood swings. I was not the only one so i don’t have to feel angry or terrible because I was going from the high end of the happiness spectrum to the lower end in the space of days. I am actually quite human. I have to accept it and fight it.

I also want those who are going through what I am experiencing to know that we can overcome it. We would be happy and sad at different stages of our life but putting your trust in God and counting your blessings works some serious wonders.

I saw this recently and would love to share it with you.
1. Prayer prevents panic.
2. Count your blessings to forget your problems.
3. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.
4. There is no ‘key’ to happiness. The door is already open.
5. Fear God who saves your soul, not those who can harm your body.

Hope it helps folks. I have to go. I wish you all joy and happiness, i know need it too.
Luv ya, Petite Diva.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

THE IDEAL BOYFRIEND VS REALITY

Lately the boyfriend and I have been having some crazy, crazy issues. There have been fights, pain, tears (mostly on my side) and silence. While I was at the studio where I studied make up artistry at, a guy was browsing through some clothes that the owner was selling. He was looking for some nice gowns for his girlfriend and I couldn’t help wishing that the boyfriend would be just like him. The boyfriend is great (most of the time) but that day i thought of how people's idea of perfect is so much different from reality.

i don't want anybody to get the wrong impression and think i am dissing him, i am merely putting my thoughts on my blog. So with that said i would like to give you a little insight into our situation.

My boyfriend is amazing, please don’t think that he is not. The issue is the situation we are in. We both would love to go for our masters and that costs a lot of money. We don’t exactly have the support that could give us our dreams without us being responsible so we need to adjust our lifestyle. However I have a certain bad habit that I am seriously trying to curb which is called ‘lack of saving culture’. I can really be a spendthrift but he is designed differently and can be so determined.

While I want to relax, he wants us to be focused on where we are going to. It is one of the qualities that made me fall in love with him. I am amazed at his determination, he says I am relaxed because I am a girl and a guy would take care of me eventually (which irritates the crap out of me) but let’s face it. He is right (in a way) but does not mean I should be so relaxed.

Thanks to ASUU and their strikes my stay in school was extended so I have lost a couple of years in my plan so I need to step up my game. It is just sometimes I would love to say ‘to heck with it’ and just splurge on something way out of budget that makes me feel good.

So my ideal boyfriend/partner is not the knight in a shining armour on a white horse kind of guy (even though a lot of my schoolmates/friends thought that was what I wanted).

I just want a guy that can put up with me, with all my troubles, insecurities and craziness. A guy who loves me for me, who knows what I don’t like or what makes me feel bad and really tries (and succeeds) in not doing them. Who spoils me a little even if that doesn’t cost a kobo but just that he thought of me and does stuff once a while. Who (and most importantly) loves God and is willing to follow his commandments. A free living guy ain’t my thing, I need a man on solid foundation and not a guy that any wind can blow away.

But what do I have, right now? I have a great guy who just DOESN’T get it! Sometimes I just want to throw a shoe at him. Lately we have been fighting a lot and I have been very unhappy. For the first time in my life, I have actually allowed my relationship squabbles to affect my sleep (and I love sleeping!). Nothing, absolutely nothing interrupts my sleep!

The tears that have shed in the last 2 months are more than I have shed in the past 9 months. He doesn’t get my insecurities and still does things that flare them up. He is not even willing to change some of his habits that I don’t like in a hurry. I know, I know…don’t say it. I shouldn’t try to change him. I say ta! to that.

He needs a little push in treating me like a princess (not diva). Some days I want to be a petite diva, doing my own things but some days I want to be a skinny petite princess being pampered by her prince (OMG! that line is so corny!).

He doesn’t get that some things have a great importance to me. For example, he was going to be away for a long while, the day before he was travelling he gave everyone of his friends a great amount of his time and gave me a lousy dysfunctional 15minutes. I couldn’t even get angry because I didn’t want to fight, I was hurt and sad. He apparently didn’t think I was that important for him to give me his time. He apologized but that was after he noticed I was not happy and I had told him my mind. I still wonder if he would have realized that what he did was not right with me if I was all smiley and lovey.

When we are at our low I just think that we would have been better off as friends. Then something happens and I thank God that we are together (Jeez! I am getting too sappy). I have to stop. We probably are going to have many fights and cause each other a lot of pain but I believe we would get through it. His unemotional and lackadaisical behavior irritates the hell out of me but I am learning to be like him so that I don’t always get too emotional thereby sparing myself a lot of time soaking my tissues (that means crying, folks).

He is way off my ideal guy qualities (the above qualities are just a few) but he doesn’t do badly. The most important thing about him is that HE CAN ACTUALLY STAND ME. With all my issues, all my faults, all that I lack, he is still standing (i really don’t know what I did right before to deserve someone that can actually stand me cos not a lot of men can stand me). At least for now, I don’t know what would happen tomorrow but I am going to enjoy the present as it is a gift from God. I would leave tomorrow to worry about itself.

I gotta run folks. Hope I was not boring or too sappy. If I was, please let me know so that I can tweak the entry.

Love ya all, petite diva (sometimes petite princess).

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The calm after the storm: 3 days after.

So I guess that saying is true. After the whole incident and my ‘getting angry’, I started thinking about all that happened. I was wondering why I was not like the club hopping girls then I heard this voice saying ‘not everybody can be the same, you are different’. I also saw that I behaved badly, I should have just opt and left the area instead of sitting there and feeling horrible. I guess I acted like a brat. I am getting to the conclusion that I had been crazily jealous and I didn’t act properly.

As I came to that conclusion, I came across an article in a magazine ‘True Love’. The topic was ‘relationship wreckers’. The article was just what I needed. It pointed out most of my issues but the best part was it also suggested actions to take. What I loved about it was that the actions suggested were what I had already decided to do. It was a confirmation that I was on the right path.
I guess you guys want to know my sins/errors? Well according to the article (and also my petite divaish self) they are (get ready they are pretty much. I know that I have issues):
1. I am demanding.
2. I was trying to transform myself to what I thought would be more like him.
3. I was all about the relationship and had forgotten myself.
4. I was surrendering to jealousy.
5. I was trying to attach him to my hips (if the hips were big enough it might be not be so ridiculous…lol).

As I read the article which had been written in November 2005, I marveled at the fact that it was relevant to me in September 2011. I guess I am such a late bloomer or it shows that good articles/books can be helpful at any time no matter when they were written.

My first step to finding myself and changing was to talk to the boyfriend. And I have to say I almost chickened out when I saw his face (I hate confrontation and he looked so good. God! I am so sappy) but I wanted to get out everything so that it does not cause any problem later. It was actually good for us to talk because I was able to learn about some of his dislikes that I don’t intend to ever commit and learn about more things that I had to correct.

So I have resolved to take some actions to make sure that I am better female, one that does not cling to her guy. I want to be a kind of lady that can tell a guy to jump into a river if he screws up so bad, the type that can continue to have fun if a relationship does not work out and not sit at home wiping her face with tissues or handkerchief (guys that means crying). Because I have done that and it is not fun, it makes you appear weak. Besides, that is a typical response of most ladies that I know.

The actions are:
1. Go out more with other guys and girls. Leave just a day or 2 for him.
2. Make more friends.
3. Have fun without thinking about him at all.
4. Try to reduce the frequent calls (I feel I call him too much).
5. Try new things or adventures without involving him.
6. Learn a new skill or better yet find some where I can learn martial art.
7. Have ‘me time’.
8. Travel to different places without him.
9. Confess everyday when I feel weak that I can overcome my weakness.

Everything seems to be about me huh? Hell yeah! It has to be all about me now. I need to love myself, have confidence in myself and gain the strength to change my flaws. The boyfriend said I can’t do it overnight which I know but I can do it in a short while. And I am more determined to do so just cause he said I can’t do it overnight (I don’t like people saying I can’t do something it just makes me wanna do that thing). I really love what the boyfriend said when I told him of my plans, he said ‘after everything I should come back to him’. Sweet and confident of him huh? I really, really, really hope that I can or do ‘cos we never know what would happen. Let’s see how things go.

So there you are folks, all that I have learnt in the past few days. With everything that happened I am not sorry I got really tipsy and I went to the club, I have gotten better but it does not mean I would try it soon. Oh! I guess I have to apologize to the ‘friend’ for being such a spoilt brat. Arghhhhhh! I hate to do it but…… it is necessary as I really did behave like a brat. I should have dealt with the whole situation like a classy person, like the petite diva that I am. Well till I have the opportunity to that we would see.

I gotta go folks as I am about dozing off on my computer. I would let you all know my journey to being a better person, a better petite diva.

Luv ya,
Petite Diva.

P.S: Does anybody know if calabar or port Harcourt has an amusement park? I saw a play area in a fast food restaurant and I remembered amusement parks. I really miss apapa amusement park. I really miss the scary rides, the horses and the cotton candy (a taste of sugar clouds). Ohhhhhh I am really missing the fun. I also want to drive the bumper cars now that I am tall and bold enough to do so. Please someone tell me that I can find one close to akwa ibom. I can pay you for the address (just kidding o!). Send me a message on my facebook page or 2go. THANK YA!

Friday, November 11, 2011

9th OF SEPTEMBER 2011: CLUBBING THROUGH THE EYES OF A FIRST TIMER

I really hope you guys liked my previous entry (it was really a long read, huh?). This is the follow up.

So we stepped into the club and it was dark, noisy and reeking of cigarette smoke. Why people smoke that stuff I don’t know? I actually think they are cheap! They should smoke Cuban cigars if they want to appear fly but I guess they can’t huh? Then the guys that I was with (a couple of guys had joined us) had joined in the craze of the nicotine buzz. They ordered red wine which I didn’t even smell and started drinking.

I watched as some people were dancing and was really regretting why I was there. I was really pissed at the boyfriend who was cross at me for no good reason as far as I was concerned.

I watched him as he danced with the girl; I really tried not to watch them. Short of moving to another seat I had to look at them. At a point they must have felt that I was getting angry and left separately away from me. I guess to really dance! I got up after a point to go to the ladies and as I was finding my way I meet him on the way. The way he abruptly left who he was dancing with to attend to me was like he was guilty of something. At that point I didn’t care if he was sleeping with someone I was too angry at myself. I practically pushed him away from me.

I actually danced with 2 guys who were safe for me because they were friends but my definition of dance and people’s own are seriously different. What is called dance by the club goers is called GRINDING by me! So the boyfriend and his lady friend were practically together, dancing and talking throughout. I looked at them and thought they were perfect for each other. They danced alike and they seem to enjoy each other’s company. I felt like an intruder and told him so. I really would have loved to go to the car and sleep but I guess I am stubborn. Something inside me wanted to see everything.

Like I said I danced with 2 guys and refused to dance with him. I guess it was my way of irritating him. I guess it worked cos he later called me and we kinda talked. Only for him to get up and dance with the girl and her friend, we later danced when he grabbed me. I am such a softy, I shuffled a bit and did some stuff which is none of all ya business.

We went to another club which was cramped like a sardine tin. He did some things that I don’t want to write about. I just got tired and went to a free corner to be on my own. That was when I met a guy that led to me into another adventure which I would write on later. At a point I noticed that he was looking around, maybe he was looking for me maybe he was not but I couldn’t care less.

From that we moved to the issue of where to sleep and as a guy he decided where we would sleep and you can imagine where he chose. I could have behaved like a brat but I was just ready for the night to end.
So there you go folks the events as they happened (I might have omitted some parts but they are either irrelevant or too much info for you).

Now that I am through with describing the events I would like to write my feelings so guys get some popcorn and drinks cos this is going to be veeery good.

Some people might think I was acting like a jealous brat (like he pointed out) and maybe I was. I was already having a lousy day and I thought that he would help me get rid of the cloud that was threatening to rain on my parade. But he was busy grinding on some babes and making others comfortable. And you might say I wanted attention, DAMN RIGHT! I DID! What is wrong with that? Part of the benefits of having a relationship is for comfort (I think) and I just needed that…..badly. However I got something else. So maybe I am bitching here because I was so mad.

Who knows if I had been in a better mood I might have been able to take everything. I was also pissed with myself for a lot of reasons:

1. Allowing myself to be transformed to what I am not? I mean drinking.
2. For caring so much about what he did with any other chick. I have always strived to be the kind of lady that would see her guy sleeping with another chick and calmly walk out, set fire to his clothes and give him the boot. However I guess I am too much like the females in my family. We tend to use all our energy on our guys, transforming ourselves to be what they want and thereby losing who we were before them. I have vowed not to be like that but here was I doing the same thing and we ain’t married!
3. For actually going to the club. I should have demanded to go home earlier. I didn’t need to see some of the things that occurred or maybe I did. I got a glimpse of what he had been or is? I don’t know yet.
4. For letting my bitchy side show. I have always thought that I should have class and never allow my feelings to show. It did that night and I am so angry that I showed emotions. The classy thing would have been to walk away and stay away then they won’t have felt like I was intruding or acting like a jealous bitch and won’t have had to restrict themselves! (I am really sorry for my swearing folks) I am so pissed at myself. Maybe I was jealous not of her but of the attention she was getting. But letting my emotions show was so not my style, I am supposed to be an ice queen not some sappy love struck teenager!

After confronting my issues, I had to find a way out. My options were:

1. Quit the relationship entirely. However I know the problem is not with him but me and since I am not ready to leave the relationship it is not an option.
2. Separate for some time while I rediscover myself and get some backbone. It is an option that is looking good.
3. Stay in the relationship but change. Stop focusing all my energy and time on the relationship. Focus a large amount but get a life. Do things differently if it works then good, if it doesn’t then I guess it was not meant to be.
So which one have I decided to adopt? I don’t know yet but I am thinking and praying about it. I just want a chance to be me and not try to be someone else. I have always said I want someone who would love me for me and allow me to be just that. Whatever options I choose I just want to be true to myself.

I had decided never to step into a club because of this experience but I think I might give it another shot. However not with the boyfriend, thank you very much. I would go with my guy friends which should be fun (hopefully). Though the whole experience was not that bad, a few times when he remembered that he was my boyfriend he acted sweet and caring but that was 20% of the time. Watching him doing his thing felt good (at some point) and horrible, disappointing and disheartening most of the time (I am a confused female, right?).

I can’t wait for the boyfriend to read this. I can’t imagine the way he would feel but it had to be said or written (cos you all know I am a drama queen…..lol). Whatever happens we would discuss it and find a way out.

I gotta go guys. It was liberating writing this entry. I can’t wait to hear your comment. You can holla at me on my facebook page or 2go.

Till I get inspired or angry, I am saying byeeeee…..
Kisses,
Petite Diva

Thursday, November 10, 2011

9th OF SEPTEMBER 2011: A DAY TO REMEMBER AND DEEPLY REGRET

On the 9th of September, 2011 when the beat fm in Lagos was celebrating their 2nd anniversary the most fabulous petite diva on this planet (see me psyching myself o!) was making a fool of herself.

What did I do? I kinda of got drunk. People! I said kinda of, which means I was not fully drunk. I was “overly tipsy” (is there a word like that?). I had 2 bottles of Smirnoff ice and a little amount of star without any prompting. For those who know me, my limit is ¾ of a bottle so you can imagine what 2 full bottles would do to me. Now I know the big question you guys want to ask: ‘WHY DID I DO IT?’ Well……. I was feeling kind of low and in a ‘I don’t give a damn’ kind of mood.

Earlier that day I had gone to see the CMD of the hospital that I want to work in ‘cos he had promised me a job but was unable to do so (note to every1: never believe any CMD until they have fulfilled their promise). I started wondering why I stayed back in akwa ibom and was just feeling like I had made a terrible mistake. I have no family here, I am in a strange land and the people I really connected with are all gone. Then to crown it all, the one person in the state that always seemed to be able to lift my spirit decided to invite another girl to an outing that I had thought would be just 3 of us (another guy was to join us).

Folks get prepared cos this entry is about to get emotional. To the boyfriend, you might not like this but things have to be written. The words won’t be nice but it is what I feel.

Let’s go! So back to my foray into the land of alcohol, I got to the bar (those who have been following my blog know the place, ‘Gent’s Lodge’) saw the guys and the girl. I was introduced to the girl. What really increased my terrible mood was that I had seen the girl when I went to the hospital. She had come to see him at the time I wanted to see him but I didn’t even wait to see him when I saw her.

Why? You might ask. Well, like I have told him that I noticed that whenever there is another female around he seems to forget that I exist and I didn’t feel like waiting for him. I sent a text that I had gone and he didn’t even reply or call. I called him about 1 hour before he decided to let me know that he had gone there with the girl.

The most annoying part about the girl is that she had a history with one of his family member. And like I said, he did that ‘ignoring me act’ so I guess I went ‘wild’ by my standards. I really acted stupidly, he warned me but I told him to mind his business.

I felt light headed at a point and wanted to go but he didn’t let me. So I stayed and was chatting on my phone. I kept saying I wanted to go home especially after I saw him doing something I absolutely can’t and won’t stand but he won’t let me. He kept saying that someone was coming to take me.

So I waited and felt like crap ‘cos I have done something that is against what I am. Oh! I would also like to say he had asked me if I would like to go to the club (that I have never been to) which was at the prompting of the ‘female’. I said no! We waited for the guy with the car to come but it became too late for me to go home ‘cos there is a 10 ‘o clock curfew (that is when the gate is locked) in my house (I finally found a place after 3 weeks) and I didn’t want to disturb the whole compound. That meant I was stuck with them. So it was time to pick the female and her friend (after so much turning around looking for where they were).

By then I was really feeling like an idiot. I am not like everyone and I would never be like all the other outgoing females yet I was trying to be what I was not. I am just me. So I actually wanted to just stay in the car and sleep after thinking of what I had done. I entered the club and the events that happened were a lesson for me but that is a story for another day (tomorrow I promise).

So after that day I realized that I would never be like all the other females and that I was specially made, customized. So here is my statement, you can quote me.

My name is OMOWUNMI ABIMBOLA MONISOLA OSINUBI. I am the ‘PETITE DIVA’ (no other petite diva can stand me), I run this blog, I am a pharmacist with a vision to be one heck of a pharmacist that would make the world stand up and give Nigeria a standing ovation for having the pleasure of me being a Nigerian. I am a fierce female that would make her guy feel like a king, I am a future mother of great children, I am a princess of nations, the queen bee to be specific, I am blessed, I am not of this world, I am severely fierce, I am shy, I absolutely hate talking in public and have an accent so don’t pronounce some words well. I am not your average leggy, outgoing, and beautiful, ass shaking, grinding club hopper BUT I repeat again, I AM OMOWUNMI ABIMBOLA MONISOLA OSINUBI! I AM ME! WORLD TAKE NOTICE!

I think I should stop here today. I definitely would continue the story tomorrow. It should make quite an interesting read.

Luv ya,
Petite Diva.
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