Lately the boyfriend and I have been having some crazy, crazy issues. There have been fights, pain, tears (mostly on my side) and silence. While I was at the studio where I studied make up artistry at, a guy was browsing through some clothes that the owner was selling. He was looking for some nice gowns for his girlfriend and I couldn’t help wishing that the boyfriend would be just like him. The boyfriend is great (most of the time) but that day i thought of how people's idea of perfect is so much different from reality.
i don't want anybody to get the wrong impression and think i am dissing him, i am merely putting my thoughts on my blog. So with that said i would like to give you a little insight into our situation.
My boyfriend is amazing, please don’t think that he is not. The issue is the situation we are in. We both would love to go for our masters and that costs a lot of money. We don’t exactly have the support that could give us our dreams without us being responsible so we need to adjust our lifestyle. However I have a certain bad habit that I am seriously trying to curb which is called ‘lack of saving culture’. I can really be a spendthrift but he is designed differently and can be so determined.
While I want to relax, he wants us to be focused on where we are going to. It is one of the qualities that made me fall in love with him. I am amazed at his determination, he says I am relaxed because I am a girl and a guy would take care of me eventually (which irritates the crap out of me) but let’s face it. He is right (in a way) but does not mean I should be so relaxed.
Thanks to ASUU and their strikes my stay in school was extended so I have lost a couple of years in my plan so I need to step up my game. It is just sometimes I would love to say ‘to heck with it’ and just splurge on something way out of budget that makes me feel good.
So my ideal boyfriend/partner is not the knight in a shining armour on a white horse kind of guy (even though a lot of my schoolmates/friends thought that was what I wanted).
I just want a guy that can put up with me, with all my troubles, insecurities and craziness. A guy who loves me for me, who knows what I don’t like or what makes me feel bad and really tries (and succeeds) in not doing them. Who spoils me a little even if that doesn’t cost a kobo but just that he thought of me and does stuff once a while. Who (and most importantly) loves God and is willing to follow his commandments. A free living guy ain’t my thing, I need a man on solid foundation and not a guy that any wind can blow away.
But what do I have, right now? I have a great guy who just DOESN’T get it! Sometimes I just want to throw a shoe at him. Lately we have been fighting a lot and I have been very unhappy. For the first time in my life, I have actually allowed my relationship squabbles to affect my sleep (and I love sleeping!). Nothing, absolutely nothing interrupts my sleep!
The tears that have shed in the last 2 months are more than I have shed in the past 9 months. He doesn’t get my insecurities and still does things that flare them up. He is not even willing to change some of his habits that I don’t like in a hurry. I know, I know…don’t say it. I shouldn’t try to change him. I say ta! to that.
He needs a little push in treating me like a princess (not diva). Some days I want to be a petite diva, doing my own things but some days I want to be a skinny petite princess being pampered by her prince (OMG! that line is so corny!).
He doesn’t get that some things have a great importance to me. For example, he was going to be away for a long while, the day before he was travelling he gave everyone of his friends a great amount of his time and gave me a lousy dysfunctional 15minutes. I couldn’t even get angry because I didn’t want to fight, I was hurt and sad. He apparently didn’t think I was that important for him to give me his time. He apologized but that was after he noticed I was not happy and I had told him my mind. I still wonder if he would have realized that what he did was not right with me if I was all smiley and lovey.
When we are at our low I just think that we would have been better off as friends. Then something happens and I thank God that we are together (Jeez! I am getting too sappy). I have to stop. We probably are going to have many fights and cause each other a lot of pain but I believe we would get through it. His unemotional and lackadaisical behavior irritates the hell out of me but I am learning to be like him so that I don’t always get too emotional thereby sparing myself a lot of time soaking my tissues (that means crying, folks).
He is way off my ideal guy qualities (the above qualities are just a few) but he doesn’t do badly. The most important thing about him is that HE CAN ACTUALLY STAND ME. With all my issues, all my faults, all that I lack, he is still standing (i really don’t know what I did right before to deserve someone that can actually stand me cos not a lot of men can stand me). At least for now, I don’t know what would happen tomorrow but I am going to enjoy the present as it is a gift from God. I would leave tomorrow to worry about itself.
I gotta run folks. Hope I was not boring or too sappy. If I was, please let me know so that I can tweak the entry.
Love ya all, petite diva (sometimes petite princess).