Monday, September 27, 2010


Hi, guys. Some major shake-ups have happened in my life lately since I wrote my last entry. So let me go straight to letting you guys know about them.

My former friend and I are still not talking or greeting each other and my friends decided to take it up on themselves to stop our feud. I was practically lifted up and tossed into the same room with him. We were practically given a mini lecture on how we should not keep malice. Both the Muslims and Christians among them quoted the Koran and Bible on the fact that we were not speaking to each other. So you can say that they carried out an intervention on the two of us. Apparently he had said to one of them that he was yanking my chains (playing with me). I don’t believe him.

They tried to make us speak to each other again. Did it work? I don’t think so because it is so hard for me to greet him. I don’t think I can ever gist / talk to him like I used to. I don’t know what has happened but I just can’t bring myself to flow with him anymore. I think we have drifted apart from each other or better yet I can say that I have moved on from our friendship. Like I said I don’t know if we ever be that close again but I am going to enjoy my life in this strange land without thinking of any ‘soap opera drama’ issues in my life.

On to the next shake-up in my life; I left my laptop on in the next house with the page of my rough write up for my blog open (unknowingly) and went for some minutes to my own house. I had a feeling that something was not right with my laptop in the next house. When I finally appeared at the house, I had a great shock of my life. Can you imagine that one of the guys I roll with was reading my blog write ups (that I had previously hidden from them)? I was so dumbstruck and practically screamed when he showed me the page he was on.

I probably would have gotten over it but he started saying stuff about the fact that the things i wrote were not new to him. He was implying that I had a crush on my former friend. I tried so much to let him know that was not so but his mind was made up. Apparently I used words in my previous entry that must have misled him to think so. I was simply writing the way I knew how to but it seems to have misled him.

So imagine stubborn me, I showed my rough write-ups to another guy friend who happens to be the first guy’s roommate. To my utmost surprise, he started laughing some minutes after. I was really surprised as I knew that I am did not write anything funny. What was funny? I asked him and he kept on laughing. He finally started stopped and you can’t imagine what he said. He agreed with what the other guy said. I was stunned.

That was not the essence of my blog write ups. I decided to write these entries as a way of putting a little spunk into my life. I think I love writing about my life and what I call my 'take on life'. So if writing from my heart is interpreted wrongly by people I don’t know what I can do about it.

The feelings that I had that night were basically three. 1. I was embarrassed because I was not emotionally prepared for people to read it even though I was still going to put on the internet. 2. I was hurt. I felt that way because they didn’t believe me when I told them what they thought was not the case. I was so close to crying but I couldn’t allow myself that luxury. 3. I was disappointed because the purpose of writing that particular write-up was defeated. I wrote it because of all the comments the guys had been making but ended up making it worse and giving them more ammunition to use against me. The only thing they said that made me feel okay was that I was a good writer. That was a compliment I did not expect but I seem to be receiving lately.

I tried to make them see reasons why I can’t have a crush on him but it was useless. They kept picking words that I had written innocently as evidence of it. I couldn’t convince them without being nasty to his personality.

So what I couldn’t say to them I am going to write here. I don’t care what happens but I need a sort of therapy for my heart and this is as good as I am going to get for now. So here I go again. I hope that I would be able to convey my feelings properly this time.

Why I can’t have any freaking CRUSH on this ’now oh so important person in my life’?

1. He is involved in a profession that I think those who practice it are not worth my time. In simple English, I can’t date or even marry anyone that is one of them. I just don’t get the hype about them and I probably will never get it. Girls or women or every other person might see something special about but I don’t. No matter how great the person is, one of his colleagues would remind me of why I have never and will never fancy them.
2. He has some habits that while as a friend I can ignore but as more I can’t. I can stand the habits. For it to be far away from me is enough for me. I can’t have someone like that hold a special position in my life. It won’t work. We will be at logger heads all the time. We won’t be at peace so why bother?
3. I have lived a safe and fairly good life. I have never had to see a rough side of people. I have always rolled with people who were of like minds. Our mindset I can safely say are not the same in 80% of things.
4. I feel I deserve better. No scratch that, I know I deserve better. I have lived my life the way I have to please God and Myself. I think the person I eventually end up with has to deserve me and value me. I will not put up with someone who does not appreciate how I have lived my life, who thinks that I have a life that is not worth anything.
5. I am a proud independent chic who can take care of herself. I may be a tiny girl but I am a lot tougher than people think. I also know my worth and won’t put up with crap in my life.

I could go on and on with more reasons but I don’t want to appear as if I am protesting too much.

I will also be honest and admit that I may have once thought that what a great guy he would be to have if he did not have all the habits that I can stand. However he is what he is and I am what I am, I won’t change and he won’t either. So we were better off as friends (or so I thought).

I actually asked myself this question: would I consider him if he ever cleaned up his act and I am free? My honest answer was NO. A very big NO, no that is not right. It is a very, very, very big HELL NO!!! I don’t think I can ever get past all his previous doings. I will always have a mental picture of everything he has ever done and I know that I can’t live with that. I guess I may be petty but that is me for now. I might get more mature later on and acknowledge that the past is the past but it ain’t easy; especially when you are actually seeing that person living the past (which is actually the present for now). I think it might be easy if the person is living the past away from you, when you don’t know the person yet. I hope you all get my drift.

I have to say that I thought that I might miss my friend badly but I think I am learning that not every thing happens the way you think it will. What I am trying to say is that, I am better than fine. I am not saying that I don’t miss the friendship but I am doing great even without it.

I don’t know what would happen tomorrow, if something would force us to get close again but I know I ain’t holding my breath. I am just too precious. So I go about with a joyful heart thanking God for each day, my family, friends and those I work with. I will leave tomorrow to worry about its self and enjoy my ‘present’ which is the present day that I am living.

Hope I didn’t bore you guys with my yada yada. I hope you were intune with me and followed me throughout. Hopefully my next entry won’t be as long as this.

Love to hear your comments. Gotta go.

Luv Petite Diva.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


So about that guy, the one I got close to while in camp. I don’t know how it happened, how the ‘special’ (that word is just for hype so don’t read anything to it) bond came about. I don’t know if it is because we worked together or we were just meant to be that close. Though I have never worked closely with these set of guys I have always been around them and couldn’t give a damn (forgive my language) about them. So I surprised myself with my open attitude to them.

About that guy, like I said I don’t know how we got close but we just did. I can’t explain if it was him or just the camp feeling but the comfortable feeling was there (at least on my part). It was a close friendship or playful friendship. I was always hanging around him and his friends. It got so bad that if somebody saw me alone they would always ask me where he was. A certain Nysc official actually made a remark that he must see a ring soon. If he only knew that there was nothing between us.

Our friendship to me was one that I don’t think I ever had. I think I felt safe and free when I was with him that is why I could be myself with him and tell him things I have never told anyone. We talked and played like best buds. That is what I appreciated about the friendship. I had always flowed better with guys and always wished that I could have a very close guy friend who would always be there even when he was through with all his distractions. If anyone has watched “Made of Honor”, then you would understand how our friendship was. There was that bond that couldn’t be broken by anyone (or so I thought). I watched out for his interests and he watched out for mine.

I later learnt some of his faults by being observant and some of them, he let me know. I was surprisingly not too shocked or disgusted. Let me go back a bit, for people who know me I have lived a kinda sheltered life and an 80% uptight moral life where most of the time black is black and white is white. There is almost never any grey area.

So to be confronted by such life would have sent me 10 kilometers away not just out of the friendship but also with serious disgust. However that was not the case, I don’t know if it was the camp or if I was finally growing up a bit or if it was the fact that I had been watching a lot of foreign reality shows or the fact that I was beginning to learn that no matter how bad a person was there are always, always good and great things about that person. Until you let yourself see the good part of people you would always take them on the face value as they portray and you may eventually miss having great people in your life who might teach you a thing or two that can help make you a better person.

My former best bud is great at his job, was always ready to put himself out for others while in camp even when they didn’t deserve in my opinion, great with people, jovial and playful when he felt like and much more. So the normally judgmental part of me was removed for a while and the ‘I must reform this person’ came in full force. It became my mission to transform him to be better. I was practically monitoring his movement to curb his excesses. Did it work? Maybe a little while we were on camp but out of camp, nothing I have done or said has worked.

We were posted to different places when the posting came out. He was where we always wanted to be but I was given a place that I didn’t know and was not interested in. I wasn’t mad, I was devastated beyond words. I have tried to be tough lately but that almost broke me down. I was in a new state, having issues all around me and now placed in an environment that I was not mentally prepared for.

I eventually went to the place and knew instantly that I would not cope and stay there. I finally worked myself back to where I wanted, which was not without troubles. However I was happy so I didn’t mind all the problems. I knew I was in for a stressful time but I never did shy away from work.

Oh! By the way the place I got reposted to is the same one he was posted to. For your information, I did not get reposted there because of him. I did it for me; I need the experience to be able to help me direct my path in life.

So we happen to live in houses opposite each other and were still close. Then issues about people and his lifestyle came up. I am sorry but I tend to try to fix people with my mouth. I talk and talk about a problem; I think people would call that nagging. I also noticed it was like I was treated indifferently. His attitude changed towards me or maybe I was the one who noticed that.

Sometimes the friend I knew was around sometimes he was not. It was like I was a nuisance and he didn’t want me around. I might have said some things about getting out of the relationship/friendship but I was just trying to shock him to a better friend. I don’t know what happened but I must have said something or he just wants to be the guy that he is, he said and I quote ‘do not call me, text me, greet me again; we would no longer be friends’.

I thought he was kidding like I always do but the next day; he actually did not greet me or acknowledge my presence in his shared flat. I am a very, very, very proud person. Don’t get me wrong not proud in the wrong sense of it but in the fact that I know what I am worth. I will never allow a guy whoever he is to treat me like a piece of rag. It won’t happen and can never happen. I will never allow it. I am a priceless gem, a princess at heart and a diva (I really hype myself a lot). Like they say if no one will hype you, hype yourself.

For God’s sake, it was just a platonic friendship we had. I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER BE INTERESTED IN TAKING FURTHER THAN THAT. Not again, not even if I had any other moment of weakness and especially not even when our mutual friends insinuate other things. I am too strong and old for that. I have got my head screwed on properly now. I am not saying that he is not good but he is not just for me. He is not ‘it’ for me but he will be perfect for someone else.

I know that I deserve more; God knows that I deserve more. I have been through so much (other people might say it is nothing but for me it is much, however I am grateful for the lessons that I have learnt through it) that I want someone who is going to appreciate me for me and not someone who wishes I was something else or tries to change me. And I deserve someone that I would love for him being himself and not try to change him (at least not completely).

So what did I do? I got angry and I have decided that I don’t need any drama in my life. I will not put up with too many episodes of suspense in my life. I want to have peace at least while I am in a strange land far away from home. I am going to ride out this storm and see where it is going to take me.

I don’t know if we are ever going to be friends or even be that close again but I am not going to wait around for that to happen. I am going to enjoy my work, my family, and my friends and make new ones. I will probably get hooked up (keeping my fingers crossed on this one) because while all this drama is going on God sent someone my way that had actually been there all this while but I had not noticed. Anyways, he is trying to step up his game and lay his cards on the table but I am seeing how far and well he can cope with me because I ain’t an easy lady to please or be with.

I don’t know if we will eventually date but I do know I love the attention and am quite interested in him too. I feel very good about this person and best of all; he is safe, very safe for me.

I am presently listening to Lionel Richie’s ‘You are’ and enjoying my present life even with all the problems that I have. I know that while the future might not be known to me, I am confident that all will be well because it is in God’s hands. We might still be best buds in future and we might not be but I know that I am grateful for the times we have spent and his life. I wish him the best of life from the bottom of my heart. May God help him find that which will give him peace, joy and fulfillment even when things don’t seem to be right.

There will be definitely more people in my life that will impact it in a positive way and I will always be grateful for their lives. So I will always be true to myself and grow in every area of my life and live it the best way I feel no matter what every other person feels as long as I know that I can defend it to the one that matters most: GOD.

Hope you enjoyed my story even though it is pretty long. If you have comments about anything you have read you can leave it here or my Facebook page. Luv to hear from ya!

So that’s all folks for now. I will be back with my ‘after camp life’ story soon; I am hoping you join me as usual.

Petite Diva signing out.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Hallelujah! I have finally been able to get an internet connection that I can afford and has coverage where I stay. I have been busy lately. I will be sure to let you know everything about it. However let me continue with my nysc camp story. Hope you enjoy it.

On getting to camp at about 2 pm that day, the camp officials at the gate insisted that we all opened our baggage so that they could check the contents. They were apparently looking for sharp objects, irons and heating materials. With that done, I dragged my box to where registration was starting. That was so stressful. Just imagine me, a very tiny lady dragging a mighty box (I always pack heavily, both necessary and unnecessary items).

I started the registration both at the main area and at the camp clinic pharmacy since I am a pharmacist. I don’t know if I can say that was a smart thing on my part as it became my own undoing because I was in for the time of my life with that pharmacy. I got to meet the first doctor that arrived at camp also known as the chief medical doctor (CMD) in a previous batch of corps members (though I didn’t know then) and also met the CMD that I was going to work with. Oh! Did I mention I was the first pharmacist to register which made me the Chief pharmacist?

I got to know the hostel and bed I was supposed to stay in for 3 weeks and quickly went to continue the registration. I didn’t finish until the next day when I even got into a bit of trouble thanks to the CMD and my lack of knowledge. I changed into my white shorts and shirt which was what we were to wear most of the time in camp. The kit I was given did not fit but I knew it won’t so I had come prepared with my own.

I worked in the pharmacy all day with the meager drugs we were given and was seriously praying for another pharmacist to come to my rescue. He finally came at the end of the day and promised to resume the next day.

He eventually came but was late; however it was better late than never. So I had a bit of free time when he behaved and stayed on duty. I however had gotten too used to the clinic surroundings and gotten close to some doctor guys so was practically at the clinic all the time.

I got especially close to a particular guy within the clinic corps staff and people thought that there was more to our friendship than it appeared to be.

I probably should continue with the camp life and the fact the waking up ay 3am/ 4am to have my bath with cooollld water was not my thing or that standing or jogging on the parade ground at 5am was annoying or the fact that I had to work from 5am till 2pm if I was on duty in the clinic was ridiculous or also the fact that I worked from the 2nd day I entered camp to the last day but I might not. Why? You might ask; I want to write on the friendship that I had with the guy I mentioned.

So expect a ‘full load down’ on my feelings about it. A lot of things have been occurring lately between us that I think I should write about it. This will be me being true to myself for me, myself and I. People might not like it but I have one life and I am going to live it the way I think is best.

I happen to have been in platoon 2, not actively though but the important people in the platoon knew that I belonged there. I also made some friends (not a lot) while in camp like my bunk mate, ‘side’ bunk mates and majority of the camp clinic corps staff. However due to my ever present face in the clinic; a lot of Nysc staff and corps members knew me. I keep on meeting people who greet me and I have no clue who they are.

I got close to the clinic head to the surprise of a lot of people but she reminds me of my mum and my last employer. It baffled them on how we can be close. So what! If we are close, somebody sue me!!

Like about 8 days to the end of camp I eventually got to meet a third pharmacist. She didn’t know that she was to report to the pharmacy. However I was glad for the fact that there was a third hand which meant shorter hours to work and more time to play/sleep.

Some activities that always seem to have an impact in the minds of corps members that we also did were the endurance trek, variety night with Miss Nysc and Mr. Macho as highlights, cooking competition and camp night (which I didn’t fully partake in any of them).

On the 26th of July, members of the medical team were taken on a field trip to Nigerian Maritime Academy by a prominent pharmacist in Akwa-Ibom. She owns TopCare pharmacies in the state. We were treated to a variety of delicacies known to the indigenes of Akwa-Ibom.

Camp came to a close on the 27th of July. As usually the ladies in my hostel room couldn’t wait to leave camp. They woke up by 2am and made sure no one else could sleep. We had a prayer session thanking God for our stay and putting our future into his hands. I was extremely grateful to God that we didn’t have any casualty with any corps member and Nysc official in the camp.

Camp came to a close with a match past/parade, a speech I didn’t listen to by the way and the handing out of posting letters.

The posting letter I received gave me the shock of my life. That story is for another day. I might not write on it soon as I would probably write about my friendship (or past friendship) with that guy.

I know that you all want to know all the details about that. So watch this blog regularly for the story. I might just put up the ‘no holds barred’ write up on sooner than you think. It would involve me writing from my heart, soul and mind. People would be shocked and attitudes hopefully changed.

Hope to see you soon.
Kisses from the Petite Diva.

Friday, September 3, 2010


Thanks for joining me again. Hope you loved the previous episode of my journey into this new life that I have to live for the next one year?

Well,another saga begins and it starts at the airport on the 6th of July, 2010. I got to the airport with my mum and a very big box on a not too rainy day very early (in fact too early for me), weighed my box and was seriously praying that it didn’t weigh more than 20 kg ‘cos I was not going to pay any more money (I had spent too much). To my surprise and pleasure it was 20.05kg, so I was very fortunate.

Theeen the waiting began. I arrived at 8:45 am, checked in by 9:10 am and started waiting for 11 am which was we were supposed to take off. The problem was necessary the waiting it was the ample time it gave my fears to take a hold of me. I used to travel by air when I was younger (and always with my parents) but I have grown up and know all what can happened to make the plane go down.

I was seriously praying against every form of problem that I could think of. I might have appeared calm but I was practically shaking. 11am came and we were not yet called to board the plane. 11: 30 am and still no call, by 11:45am we heard an announcement that our flight would be delayed due to some technical issues. My mind went into overdrive. I was like I knew it! Something is going to happen. ‘Technical issues’ Is that not the term that is used when something is really wrong with the plane?

By 12 noon, we were called to board the plane, by 12:15pm we were ready to take off. I was shaking and praying while we were leaving the runway. Ascending up was just something else, it is something that I don’t think I can describe. The seatbelts were to be used when taking off, in the case of turbulence, and when landing. Mine was locked THROUGHOUT, I didn’t even move to stretch or go to the ladies. Why would i? I was shaking; meanwhile the 2 guys at my side were busy sleeping. I felt like hitting there heads with my shoe. How DARE anyone sleep when I am so scared?

We got hit by turbulence the first time and it was not a funny issue. Apparently it was not going to be the last one. It was a rainy afternoon in almost every state that we passed through to Akwa-Ibom. We got hit by turbulence too many times for me to count. I was so scared that I closed my eyes every time that it happened. And guess what? People around me were practically nonchalant about the whole flight.

I think I must have finally calmed because I know I dozed off for about 20 minutes and woke up when we were almost near Akwa-Ibom.

Landing was something else. I grabbed the arms of the seat almost throughout and vowed that once I got my feet on the ground I would say a long prayer of Thanks to God. I also vowed not to enter a plane to go back to Lagos. I was going to risk it and take a bus.

After landing, the issue of how to get to the Nysc camp site become prominent in my mind. Fortunately for me, I meet some girls and a guy that happened to have finished from my school going to the same camp site. One of the girls had an uncle who lived in the state, so he was able to take us to the camp site.

Camp life was a very, very, very, very new experience for me and one that is going to be a very long story so why don’t you all join me later on for my thrilling and stressful adventure of camp life.

Hope you join me soon?
Keep checking this blog for my life story.

Luv, Petite Diva.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...