LIVING LIFE THE WAY YOU DIDN’T THINK WAS POSSIBLE

A lot has happened in the past one and half month. I don’t know where to begin. A major problem I have had is with my computer. It is not acknowledging my internet modem and not playing any CD I insert in the drive. I have tried to use my phone to update my blog but it is not the same thing, I can’t write extensively. I have to repair it very soon; I am just scared of going to meet anyone to touch my laptop. I will want to stay with the person throughout which might not be possible. I am afraid of the fact that they might have to clear all what I have on my laptop.

I know I have to repair it because I have not been able to browse and update my blog which sucks. Anyways back to my life, it has been one heck of an amusement park ride with various highs and lows.

One high that has given me pleasure lately is the fact that my mum’s health has been restored (THANK YOU GOD). It has been a very challenging year but I thank God that all is well now.

Another high and also the greatest low I have now is the fact that after a long time/ short time I have spent on this earth I finally fell in love. I used to think that maybe I was weird at times but I guess I was waiting for that person. The only problem is that I fell in love at the wrong time. The person, I personally feel from my heart is right for me but it seem everything is against us. The circumstances are just not right. I don’t know why it had to happen this way.

I don’t know how to explain everything. I thought I was strong or very smart when it comes to this heart / love stuff and I could get myself out of anything but I see now I am not as strong as I thought. How did I get myself involved in this situation? I have no freaking idea. It started out like an adventure just to spice up my life and writing and now I am deeper than I ever thought I would be.

I have always had a clear view of what I wanted and I was not going to settle for nothing less. However when I am with him I don’t feel I am settling for less, I feel like I have everything I wanted and more. He is no where close to my ‘ideal’ guy. Everything about him is way off the list but I don’t know what draws me to him. I am hooked, line and sinker. I really need the strength to get over my feelings for him. I sometimes try to work up why he is not good for me but I forget everything whenever I see him.

I am actually going to try an exercise I recently saw being done in a movie (just thought of it now). I am going to get a sheet of paper, on one side I am going to write all the good stuff about him and on the other side I am going to write all the bad stuff about him. If the good is more than the bad I will have to go with the flow on this ride, pray for the best and hopefully I would have God on my side to help me to win. If however the bad outweighs the good, I seriously need to fast and pray so that my feelings for fly away and I would be able to cope without him in my life. I would also write want exactly I want from all this. OMG! I think I am growing up faster than I thought in this NYSC year.

I always ask myself how I got into this. Does he have a spell or ‘jazz’ that he is using on me? Why am I so damned attached and attracted to him? Like I said if I put his qualities beside the ones I always thought I would love in a guy he wouldn’t come close so I don’t get why my feelings are all wacked up. I have met and would still meet better guys than him but I don’t think that they might make me feel this way (I however stand to be corrected. Anything they say is possible). I am so confused and probably need a shrink to help me psychoanalyze my feelings.

So here am I stuck in this impossible love that everyone seems to think and feel that I should get out of. This experience might hurt me much more than I can describe later but I want to forget everything now and just enjoy the feelings that I am experiencing. I am not sorry for my feelings, I am just sorry that the timing is not right. I am forever grateful for this experience and would never forget it. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I hope it would be full of great joy, peace and laughter. Lord, my future is in your hands, take absolute control.

That is enough yapping for today. Hopefully I would be back very soon with the results of my exercise and more insight into the world I am now living in. Meanwhile my former friend and I started talking and playing like before until recently. I am at a loss at what I did but I don’t freaking care. I am too old for all his nonsense mind games. I am not someone he can toss about. I should be the one angry but he is the one pulling the stunts now.

One of my girlfriends says that it is a typical thing that a guy who is in love with a girl but does not want to be does. He according to her tries to push her away. Whatever the case maybe, I am not interested in all that child’s play or ‘10 steps to win a girl’ crap. I am going to ride it out with him when he is tired and is back, I am going to bring out my ace card (in other words I am going surprise him BIG time). He is not going to know what hit him.

Well, I have to go now. I am writing this while on night call (I really hate this night call but a girl has gotta do what a girl gotta do).

Hope I can be back soon.
Luv ya, Petite Diva.

HEART VS HEAD

We females are weak, no let me rephrase that we are soft hearted. I used to think i was strong or rather hard hearted till i fell into a situation where i can't seem to get out of.

I am involved in something that i have to get out of fast but i can't seem to get my brain to communicate with my heart and body to leave. I need to get angry enough to get out but nothing has pissed me off yet/ enough for me to go. However i am going to cause a situation to happen so that i can leave with my diginity and pride.

To all my peeps who tried to help me out of it, i appreciate you. I may not have followed it but i thank you for being a voice of wisdom in my life.

Petite Diva signing out . Hope to write soon.

A Mini Post With My Phone

I recently bought a fone that allows me to browse directly so i will be able to post mini entries. I really have to repair my laptop. It has refused to recognise my internet modem and even accept all d antivirus that i have tried installing. I will have to result to uploading entries with this phone which is a Nokia C3 by the way.

Anyways, i gotta go. I hope to gist you about all what has happened in my life recently.

See ya later.
Petite Diva.

REPORTING LIVE FROM UUTH ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY PHARMACY

Hi everyone, this is petite diva reporting live from the A & E pharmacy of UUTH. This is a broadcast write up on my very first night call. I have been here since 4 pm and it is now 10:47pm.

The call started a little bit hectic not because there were a lot of patients at the pharmacy but as a result of my lack of knowledge. I don’t know where the drugs are and their prices. The pressure was so much that I made a mistake that I have never done before. I gave someone a drug without indicating how to use it. I hope I can correct the mess up tomorrow before anybody gets to hear about it.

The day started really well for me ‘cos I got a pleasant surprise. My previous boss had sent me some money (a lot more than I expected) and with this ‘no salary being paid’ situation we are in it was a wonderful surprise and a beautiful way to start the week after yesterday’s issues.

I am all alone now. My partner is sleeping for now while I am locked up in the pharmacy writing this. I also noticed that some patients or rather their relatives can be annoying. Can you imagine that someone wanted me to give her a drug without paying? She wants me to enter trouble. Trying to explain that I don’t have the authority is just so darn hard for them to understand.

It is now 12:05am and I am still awake, thanks to what I am doing (this write up) and coca cola. I hope I will be able to fall asleep soon and function properly later on today.

The night seems calm; I really hope it stays that way ‘cos this afternoon/evening was something else. I stepped into the A & E reception and the stench that came from there told me that a lot had happened. A lot of doctors were on ground and the patients were even more than they could handle.

I actually saw a woman been covered up, apparently she had died while waiting in the reception. She died on the bench. I don’t know what exactly happened but I felt and still feel bad. I wish I had not seen it or that I didn’t understand what happened. Now any time I see that bench I am going to remember what happened.

I really don’t think that I can ever value pharmacy if I am a hospital pharmacist. I was born to be a community pharmacist and that is that.

I have to go; the hospital is very quiet now. I hope it stays that way so that I can sleep.

So this is the end of my live report. All the way from Akwa-ibom, this is the petite diva signing out.

Luv ya.

HAD A ‘WAAAY OUT OF PLAN’ DAY

I don’t know about you all but I sometimes have a waay out of plan day in which nothing and I mean nothing goes according to plan. Everything seems to go wrong on those days and today was one of them. I am seriously not feeling this day. I don’t know if it has to do with the date (10/10/10) or today is not my day.

Let me gist you on all the activities that went wrong today. It started with
• Trying to cook something that I always cook this morning and totally messing it up (at least that is what I felt). To make matters worse I had a guest who though might be forgiving but I am not. I am such a perfectionist. HOW could I mess up in that part?.

• I have been attending a health, safety, security and environment course since yesterday. So i arrived there today for the last day of training thinking I would be alert and concentrate but lo and behold! the girl (me) was feeling terribly sleepy. I actually slept for some minutes before I decided to walk around and also get some sweets and chewing gum just to stay awake; after all I did pay for it.

• Then I came home at about 3 pm, happy that I can finally sleep for some hours only to discover that my room was locked. I had forgotten that my roommate had a lecture to give and had gone out with the keys. I called her and she assured me that she was on her way only for her to come back by 5 pm. So sleep was cancelled as it was too late for me to sleep again.

After noticing that things had not been working out like i wanted I totally refused to do anything else. Due to past experiences, once I see a day like this I refuse to do any other thing and just wait for the day to pass. I simply wait for the next day and pray to God that the next day, everything and I mean 'everything' works accordingly.

Anyways, tomorrow I am on night duty (call) for the first time in my life and I am not looking forward to it. I just hope the night load (i.e. emergencies) would be light. I would be sure to report live from the pharmacy/call room on the happenings. You guys should know that my very first call cannot happen without a little hype. I am after all the ‘petite diva’. This would be another one of my new experiences. Hopefully this internet service would be up and doing and not mess me up.

Oh! before I forget, something worth writing about happened. I was kinda pissed with myself about it but I think it is better it happened like that. What? You might wonder happened. Hold on, I am getting to it.

Before I noticed my locked room I went to see one of the ‘guys’ to conduct a business transaction and my former friend came to meet and was practically smiling at and joking with me. I was so stunned but managed to smile back.

I almost said some things but I guess shock made me shut up. He requested some thing from me and oh 'gullible' me gave it to him. He then said something that made me feel bad and I took it back but he later made good with his words. However I later felt used. I felt that he knows I am practically the only girl he has a friend that rarely takes from him but instead gives him. The most annoying fact about that is I try not to do that for guys so that I am not taken for granted but found that lately I have been doing that a lot for the 'guys'.

So for me to have a peaceful mind towards all this I have come to this conclusion that either he must have really needed it or he was looking for a way to settle our stupid 'no talking rule/rift' or he just wanted to get something out of me to feel he is smart. Which ever reason it is, I have decided that it does not matter. I have too many stuff on my plate to start worrying about his motives.

I might see him tomorrow and we might be back to our ‘no talking rule’ or we might be pick up from where we left off before all this drama came up. Whatever the case may be I am just going to take the days as it comes.

Till tomorrow (hopefully) my peps, hope you enjoyed today’s write up.
Petite diva signing out,
Luv ya.

P.S: Lately i have been seeing a lot of stuff that i have never seen before but have heard about. So i want to ask this question and hope i receive answers from you guys. Why do ladies give it up to a guy they barely know? I mean why do girls sleep with guys they might have known for a maximum of 1 or 2 week(s)? Are girls no more valuing themselves? Do they think it is all about sex? I would write what i think on this topic soon. i would really love to hear your views. I know i might be old fashioned.

MUCH ADO ABOUT MY STATEMENTS AND HOSPITAL PHARMACY

I recently wrote an entry about my experiences and left a teaser to the entry on my Facebook page. Lo and behold I received some comments from my friends about a certain line that I used.

I intentionally wrote that line to give my blog a little pump but I think people are beginning to get the wrong idea. This has also happened with another entry in which the ‘guys’ thought that I had a crush on one of them. I don’t get why my words are been misinterpreted, okay some of them are meant to shock my readers (hey! writing will be no fun if it didn’t stimulate something in the mind of my readers).

So that aside, I think I should talk about my experience in the hospital. I really do not like the political drama of hospital pharmacy. I think I don’t like the fact that you have too many bosses when you are low on the office/pharmacy cadre. I like having one boss that I receive orders from or me simply being the boss. Having too many bosses make life one funky ride. One can be nice while another mean and out to get you. One can say you should do something a particular way while another will practically scream at you that you are doing things all wrong and you end up looking like a fool/dumb.

From my comments you can guess that I am comfortable with some of my bosses while some (especially one) are giving me headache. Well, they don’t know who they are messing with. I am going to break them ‘cos they have no choice than to love me. Why wouldn’t they? I am the ‘princess’ in the house, the one and only petite diva. They got no choice.

I like where I am because of the various pharmacies in the hospital. Different drugs are stocked in each of the pharmacy which means at various times you learn different drugs that are used to treat various diseases. I am going to make the most of where I am because I have plans to use this experience in the future.

Another problem that I have with the hospital (its management) is its inability to pay salaries on time. For the love of God when people work for you for a month, they deserve to be paid. I thought that now that I was working with the federal government at least payment will be made by 26th or 27th of every month but until today workers have not been paid. I don’t know what sort of pranks the management are up to but we will continue to watch them and hope they change for the better.

I gotta run. It is getting late and I need to sleep. Hope to back soon.
Luv, Petite Diva.