So about that guy, the one I got close to while in camp. I don’t know how it happened, how the ‘special’ (that word is just for hype so don’t read anything to it) bond came about. I don’t know if it is because we worked together or we were just meant to be that close. Though I have never worked closely with these set of guys I have always been around them and couldn’t give a damn (forgive my language) about them. So I surprised myself with my open attitude to them.
About that guy, like I said I don’t know how we got close but we just did. I can’t explain if it was him or just the camp feeling but the comfortable feeling was there (at least on my part). It was a close friendship or playful friendship. I was always hanging around him and his friends. It got so bad that if somebody saw me alone they would always ask me where he was. A certain Nysc official actually made a remark that he must see a ring soon. If he only knew that there was nothing between us.
Our friendship to me was one that I don’t think I ever had. I think I felt safe and free when I was with him that is why I could be myself with him and tell him things I have never told anyone. We talked and played like best buds. That is what I appreciated about the friendship. I had always flowed better with guys and always wished that I could have a very close guy friend who would always be there even when he was through with all his distractions. If anyone has watched “Made of Honor”, then you would understand how our friendship was. There was that bond that couldn’t be broken by anyone (or so I thought). I watched out for his interests and he watched out for mine.
I later learnt some of his faults by being observant and some of them, he let me know. I was surprisingly not too shocked or disgusted. Let me go back a bit, for people who know me I have lived a kinda sheltered life and an 80% uptight moral life where most of the time black is black and white is white. There is almost never any grey area.
So to be confronted by such life would have sent me 10 kilometers away not just out of the friendship but also with serious disgust. However that was not the case, I don’t know if it was the camp or if I was finally growing up a bit or if it was the fact that I had been watching a lot of foreign reality shows or the fact that I was beginning to learn that no matter how bad a person was there are always, always good and great things about that person. Until you let yourself see the good part of people you would always take them on the face value as they portray and you may eventually miss having great people in your life who might teach you a thing or two that can help make you a better person.
My former best bud is great at his job, was always ready to put himself out for others while in camp even when they didn’t deserve in my opinion, great with people, jovial and playful when he felt like and much more. So the normally judgmental part of me was removed for a while and the ‘I must reform this person’ came in full force. It became my mission to transform him to be better. I was practically monitoring his movement to curb his excesses. Did it work? Maybe a little while we were on camp but out of camp, nothing I have done or said has worked.
We were posted to different places when the posting came out. He was where we always wanted to be but I was given a place that I didn’t know and was not interested in. I wasn’t mad, I was devastated beyond words. I have tried to be tough lately but that almost broke me down. I was in a new state, having issues all around me and now placed in an environment that I was not mentally prepared for.
I eventually went to the place and knew instantly that I would not cope and stay there. I finally worked myself back to where I wanted, which was not without troubles. However I was happy so I didn’t mind all the problems. I knew I was in for a stressful time but I never did shy away from work.
Oh! By the way the place I got reposted to is the same one he was posted to. For your information, I did not get reposted there because of him. I did it for me; I need the experience to be able to help me direct my path in life.
So we happen to live in houses opposite each other and were still close. Then issues about people and his lifestyle came up. I am sorry but I tend to try to fix people with my mouth. I talk and talk about a problem; I think people would call that nagging. I also noticed it was like I was treated indifferently. His attitude changed towards me or maybe I was the one who noticed that.
Sometimes the friend I knew was around sometimes he was not. It was like I was a nuisance and he didn’t want me around. I might have said some things about getting out of the relationship/friendship but I was just trying to shock him to a better friend. I don’t know what happened but I must have said something or he just wants to be the guy that he is, he said and I quote ‘do not call me, text me, greet me again; we would no longer be friends’.
I thought he was kidding like I always do but the next day; he actually did not greet me or acknowledge my presence in his shared flat. I am a very, very, very proud person. Don’t get me wrong not proud in the wrong sense of it but in the fact that I know what I am worth. I will never allow a guy whoever he is to treat me like a piece of rag. It won’t happen and can never happen. I will never allow it. I am a priceless gem, a princess at heart and a diva (I really hype myself a lot). Like they say if no one will hype you, hype yourself.
For God’s sake, it was just a platonic friendship we had. I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER BE INTERESTED IN TAKING FURTHER THAN THAT. Not again, not even if I had any other moment of weakness and especially not even when our mutual friends insinuate other things. I am too strong and old for that. I have got my head screwed on properly now. I am not saying that he is not good but he is not just for me. He is not ‘it’ for me but he will be perfect for someone else.
I know that I deserve more; God knows that I deserve more. I have been through so much (other people might say it is nothing but for me it is much, however I am grateful for the lessons that I have learnt through it) that I want someone who is going to appreciate me for me and not someone who wishes I was something else or tries to change me. And I deserve someone that I would love for him being himself and not try to change him (at least not completely).
So what did I do? I got angry and I have decided that I don’t need any drama in my life. I will not put up with too many episodes of suspense in my life. I want to have peace at least while I am in a strange land far away from home. I am going to ride out this storm and see where it is going to take me.
I don’t know if we are ever going to be friends or even be that close again but I am not going to wait around for that to happen. I am going to enjoy my work, my family, and my friends and make new ones. I will probably get hooked up (keeping my fingers crossed on this one) because while all this drama is going on God sent someone my way that had actually been there all this while but I had not noticed. Anyways, he is trying to step up his game and lay his cards on the table but I am seeing how far and well he can cope with me because I ain’t an easy lady to please or be with.
I don’t know if we will eventually date but I do know I love the attention and am quite interested in him too. I feel very good about this person and best of all; he is safe, very safe for me.
I am presently listening to Lionel Richie’s ‘You are’ and enjoying my present life even with all the problems that I have. I know that while the future might not be known to me, I am confident that all will be well because it is in God’s hands. We might still be best buds in future and we might not be but I know that I am grateful for the times we have spent and his life. I wish him the best of life from the bottom of my heart. May God help him find that which will give him peace, joy and fulfillment even when things don’t seem to be right.
There will be definitely more people in my life that will impact it in a positive way and I will always be grateful for their lives. So I will always be true to myself and grow in every area of my life and live it the best way I feel no matter what every other person feels as long as I know that I can defend it to the one that matters most: GOD.
Hope you enjoyed my story even though it is pretty long. If you have comments about anything you have read you can leave it here or my Facebook page. Luv to hear from ya!
So that’s all folks for now. I will be back with my ‘after camp life’ story soon; I am hoping you join me as usual.
Petite Diva signing out.